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30 is a milestone and around this marker things are slightly different. So, with a nod to Esquire's 2002 compilation, here's a revised, updated list of 30 things never to do after you hit 30.
01 Stay with your mum
It's the rite-of-passage for any self-respecting man - you set up your own house, even if it's a shack. The idea of a joint family set-up may have been a good one, but you are not going to earn any brownie points with her if you still live with your mum.
02 Get any more body piercings
Ten years too late.
03 Display Unnecessary exhibitions of bravado
Sometimes there's no other way to settle it, but leave brawling as the last option, especially when you are with her.
04 Get over your Friends hangover
Don't begin every other sentence with, "You know like Chandler in Friends..."
05 Wear basketball shoes
Unless, of course, you are playing the damn game.
06 Forget how you got here
At 23 you could be forgiven for being a wild child - your friends would understand why you wanted to walk eastwards to Sri Lanka at sunrise. But after 30, people tend to take a dimmer view of a man who can't quite take care of himself at a party.
07 Don't ever pull a Michael Bolton
No matter how much ladies your age like it.
08 Stay unemployed
It's really not cool to say you are too radical for any workplace and not get a job. She's a saint if she's still going out with you.
09 Wear torn jeans and Slipknot t-shirts
So, it looked good on you 10 years ago in uni. 10 years ago, it meant you were 'with it', but at 30 it could suggest your reluctance to grow up.
10 Carry 'Holden Caulfield' delusions
Since The Catcher in the Rye, generations of youngsters have grown up being Holden Caulfield pretenders. Ditto for those go through their 30s trying to be Reality Bites's Troy Dyer.
11 Not know what a savings account means
Unless the only credit card you have is still your dad's add-on card, you should know by now that there is a such a thing as 'a rainy day' and an umbrella is not going to be enough to deal with it.
12 Bore colleagues with stories of your wild, wanton college life
You know what? Unless you are dealing with insufferable nerds, almost everyone's had a good time in college. Besides, haven't you done anything interesting in the last five years?
13 Not acknowledge her biological clock
She's going to make you hear the words 'biological clock' a lot now, so if nothing else give her a good hearing instead of the usual 'fight or flight' response.
14 Get really creative with your hair
Don't try funny things with the little hair you have left.
15 Don't get preachy yet. You've only just hit 30
16 Wear athletic shorts with those vertical side slits
We only say this because we have seen too many grown-up men guilty of this fashion crime.
17 CLAIM Vanilla Ice as your music Hero
Don't go to a retro-themed party dressed like Vanilla Ice and then exclaim, "They don't make music like they used to" when the DJ plays 'Ice Ice Baby'.
18 Quit with the high-fives already.
19 Get into a Dance-OFF
Don't get into a dance-off wiht your best mate just to impress the prettiest girl at a party.
20 Hit on the office intern
Or in the other words, don't be a cradle-snatcher.
21 Think lewd jokes=popularity
Those locker-room jokes work best when the hormones start raging and if you stretch it till the mid-20s. Sure they still laugh, but they are probably laughing at you.
22 Challenge an 18-year-old on the tennis court...
... and hope to win
It's one thing to go a couple of games against the high school hero who plays at your club, but to challenge him and hope to win could leave you with some really sore muscles. If you have to humiliate yourself, at least don't invite her to watch.
23 Be the scariest guy at Desert Rock
It's bad enough that you show how elastic your neck can be on the front row barricade. But you have to relax - that Alice Cooper-meets-Marilyn Manson look is scaring all the high school kids around you now.
24 Cuss aloud in public places
25 Invite friends over for Top Ramen
This is just the kind of thing you do to let people know you still have that college hangover.
26 Not have a driving licence!
People get them at 18. Where have you been? Dubai's tough, but that is no excuse, really. No car, no women. Ever. Not in this town.
27 Walk around shirtless at a rock concert
Even if you look like Brad Pitt. Unless you are looking at attracting all the wrong kind of attention.
28 Go Goth with the interior design
Take the skull off theliving room wall now.
29 Kiss and tell
Relax. No one's keeping score now.
30 Denyyou're 30
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