Man enough to enter a spa? Relax. Here's our tried-and-tested pick of the city's eight best male spas.
Unlike Seinfeld's George Costanza, if you're comfortable and not worried about "movement" and "shifting" when a man massages you, Dubai has a spa for you if you're man enough to subject yourself to some happy pummeling at the hands of another man.
Here are eight discerning options you can try out this month.
H2O THE MALE SPA
IN A NUTSHELL: Readers may remember H20 as the spa where one of our writers endured a spray-on tan and back wax, but there's more to this elegant spa than bronzing or deforestation.
From facials to massages, the spa also caters to DIFC types who need to unwind pronto.
Treatments: Full body Aromatherapy Massage (80 min, Dhs450 or 55 min, Dhs350), Deep Tissue Sports Massage (55 min, Dhs395) as well as facials.
Try this: H20's Deep Tissue Sports Massage (55 min, Dhs395)
Open: 9am-11pm
Contact: Emirates Tower Hotel, 04-3198181, JETh2o@jumeirah.com
NATURAL HEALING WELLNESS SPA
IN A NUTSHELL: Soothing Oriental melodies, a relaxed ambience and reasonable prices make this spa ideal to start off the weekend.
Treatments: The Oriental Body Healing with Footwork (60min, Dhs230) uses a combination of Tuina, An mo, Dian Xue and Chi massages.
Try this: The Traveller's Recovery Package (120 mins, Dhs495) combines an invigorating Thai massage with a 30-minute foot reflexology session.
Open: 10am-10.30pm
Contact: Natural Healing Wellness Spa, 04-3483896
THE SPA
IN A NUTSHELL: Far from the big bad, this is a good option if you're from the Jebel Ali side of Dubai. The relaxation room overlooks the Gulf.
Treatments: Total time out for men: Facial and Deep Tissue Body Massage (135 min, Dhs595).
Try this: Himalayan Healing Stone Massage (90min, Dhs325).
Open: 9am-7pm (Sat-Thu), 9am-8pm (Fri, Sat)
Contact: The Spa, Jebel Ali Golf Resort, 04-8836000, thespa@jaihotels.com
CLEOPATRA'S MEN'S SPA
IN A NUTSHELL: This is the business. Ultra-professional masseurs, helpful staff and a genuine emphasis on kicking the stress out of you. The relaxation lounge, complete with hot tub, sauna and plunge pool, has just the right measure of tranquillity to help you really unwind. And the bonus is that you can chill as long as you want.
Treatments: Coconilla Bali Coffee Treatment: exfoliation, shower and Balinese massage (90 mins, Dhs415); Thai Lemongrass and Coconut Treatment: exfoliation, scented shower and Balinese massage - good after sunbathing (90min, Dhs415).
Try this: Aroma Stone Therapy Massage. If you think deep tissue massage is the only way to dekink, you're wrong. After destress body brushing and a therapeutic massage, heated volcanic stones are applied to your back, forehead and torso, delivering a penetrative punch (75 min, Dhs475).
Open: 9.30am-10pm
Contact: Cleopatra's Men's Spa, Wafi, 04-3247700, cleopatras.spa@wafi.com
TALISE SPA
IN A NUTSHELL: There's no finer looking spa than this babe, nestled amid the waterways of Madinat Jumierah. Talise features separate spas for men and women as well as side-by-side 'honeymoon' treatments.
Treatments: Talise Fingerprint Therapeutic Massage (50 mins, Dhs465, 80 mins, Dhs640), Thai or Balinese Massages (same prices) and the Five Elements Shiatsu Massage (50 mins, Dhs520).
Try this: Want to buff-up for a steamy night in the buff? Try Talise's Facial Cleanse and Massage combined with the Cleanse and Destress Back Treatment (80 min, Dhs470). Your skin will be so clean, she could eat off it.
Open: 9am-10pm
Contact: Talise Spa, Madinat Jumeirah,
04-3666800
WILLOW STREAM SPA
IN A NUTSHELL: The staff here are a real laugh, but only if you stir them up. Otherwise they're professional and extremely pleasant.
While it might seem trivial, Willow Stream has the best disposable panties in the business - tent-sized boxer shorts, which don't expose any cracks and make the spa's Turkish-style relaxation chamber (complete with sauna and hot-tub) a pleasure.
Treatments: Shed Some Stress: Facial and Aromatherapy Massage (120 min, Dhs890), Executive
Experience: Invigorating Back Treatment and Gentle Facial (120 min, Dhs750); Executive Deep Cleansing Facial (90 min, Dhs480) and Men's Maintenance Facial (60 min, Dhs420)
Try this: Total Tune-Up: Aromatic Body Polish, Deep Muscle Massage and Facial (150 min, Dhs950)
Open: 9am-9pm
Contact: Fairmont Dubai, 04-3118800, willowstreamdubai@fairmont.com
ANANTARA SPA
IN A NUTSHELL: Moody, candlelit, Oriental-themed spa located in a wing of Emirates Palace, this is a great place to splurge. With dozens of over-the-top massages and exotic forms of preening, Anantara has a few treatments specifically designed for the unfairer sex.
Treatments: Elemis Urban Cleanse Facial (75 min, Dhs690), Elemis Skin IQ Facial (75 min, Dhs690), Thai Herbal Compress Massage (90 min, Dhs690).
Try this: Elemis Deep Tissue Muscle Massage (60 min, Dhs690). Need to relax? Or re-energise? Masseurs here use the appropriate essential oils and massage technique to do the trick.
Open: 10am-10pm
Contact: Emirates Palace Hotel, 02-6909000, www.emiratespalace.com
RAFFLES AMRITA SPA
IN A NUTSHELL: Luxurious and spacious, Raffles Amrita has a string of signature treatments with cheesy names, but the results are great and will make you want to go back for more.
Treatments: Noble Man Skin Conditioning (60min, Dhs399), Emirates Executive includes a footbath, face and eye treatment (90min, Dhs639) or the Romantic Retreat Couple Treatment (Dhs1199 per couple).
Try this: The Imperial Gentleman's Treatment: A signature treatment that uses natural essences from the Cannes-based Micallef, this hour and a half long treatment includes a massage and a facial. Perfect.
Open: 9am-9pm
Contact: Raffles Amrita Spa, 04-3248888,
www.dubai.raffles.com
