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The Spa Samui Beach Resort on the beautiful Thai island of Koh Samui boasts one of the finest vegetarian restaurants in south-east Asia, yet spending time browsing the mouth-watering menu is just about the last thing on the minds of most of the guests staying here.
For instead of tucking into plates of freshly steamed vegetables, spicy salads or bowls of soup, visitors are facing up to the reality of completing a fast that aims to cleanse and detox the body of years of gastro-intestinal abuse.
If you're a little squeamish, stop reading now. Because an integral part of the most popular healing programme is (take a deep breath) colonic irrigation. Self administered. Twice a day. For a week. On top of not eating a morsel for seven days.
Quite a series of thoughts, I think you'll agree. So while you're digesting that series of images, I'll delay getting to the bottom of exactly what colema boards and enemas entail for a little longer.
Instead, I'll concentrate on the tranquil setting of the resort, which was established by owner Guy Hopkins in 1992 following the death of his mother through cancer and his own health wake-up call.
Lamai Beach is a 30-minute drive from the international airport that has transformed Koh Samui from a backpacking backwater to a renowned tourist destination, attracting hundreds of thousands of visitors a year. Yet this stretch of the island's east coast thankfully remains relatively low key and unspoilt compared to some of the bright-light excesses of other areas. Beachfront restaurants and massage stalls still vie for visitors' attention but as the sun goes down, the laughter of picnicking families and local children splashing in the gentle waves easily drowns out the odd amplified disco beat drifting across the sand.
This tranquillity is an important part of the overall equation because spending time at the Spa Samui Resort is all about rejuvenating the body and the soul through the combination of internal cleansing with yoga classes, meditation and simply slowing down for a short while.
The basic theory is that better breathing and exercise, combined with eating the right foods in correct combinations at the right time, will give you more energy and increase the chances of leading a long and healthy life. The problem is that an increasing number of us are suffering from 21st century-itus. We're unfit because of our sedentary lifestyles, stressed out and consume far too much processed food that contains more salt, fat and sugar than our bodies were ever designed to handle.
The end result is that our digestive tracts are clogged full of rubbish and we're more prone to any number of dangers: from heart disease and cancer to diabetes and premature ageing.
The best way to halt this headlong charge to oblivion, according to the spa, is a cleansing treatment that takes you back to basics.
Although I'm a born cynic, I was intrigued by the claims of physical restoration. And I became a willing convert after spending the best part of two weeks here, undergoing a three-day pre-cleanse followed by a seven-and-a-half day fast and then two days of being carefully weaned back on to solid food.
I stayed at the resort, paying Dhs110 a night for a standard room with bathroom, fan and safe. It was basic, spotlessly clean and comfortable, which anyone who has backpacked through Asia would instantly recognise. A-frame chalets around the swimming pool cost Dhs130 a night but there is no pressure on 'fasters' to stay here; it is possible to find even cheaper, basic accommodation a stone's throw away and then walk in for treatments.
The week-long fast costs $300 and this includes just about everything: from the twice daily colemas, detox drinks and herbal nutrition tablets to morning meditation and a clear broth soup, which sadly can easily become the highlight of your day.
But first you must ready your body for the fast with a pre-cleansing treatment; ideally for two or three days (extra cost). This involves eating only fruit, vegetables and salads and drinking juices, herb teas, plenty of water plus a real treat called the liver flush diet.
This is a strange combination of extra virgin olive oil, garlic, ginger and cayenne pepper, which is mixed with fresh orange juice and lemon. Thankfully it tastes better than it sounds and got me in the swing of things to come.
As for the fast itself, I was nervous beforehand. But talking to other guests who had already started or, in the majority of cases, had returned for a repeat session provided the necessary reassurances. The fast began with my first detox drink, a cocktail of watermelon juice, bentonite clay and psyllium husks, followed by a large glass of water.
You sip this concoction (which can alternately be pineapple flavoured) every three hours from 7am to 7pm. In between you take herbal supplements that double up as intestinal cleaners, washed down with more water. Now to the interesting bit: the colemas.
If you're staying at the resort, there's a special board that you set up in your bathroom for the deed, while 'outside' fasters must hire a special room for the 30 or so minutes it takes to flush 16 litres of coffee, apple cider vinegar and water into and then out of your colon. An instructional video shows you what to do and what tube goes where, but it was pretty straightforward and even began to feel fairly routine, if a little strange, after only a couple of sessions.
While your digestive system is taking this holiday, the detox drinks are helping clear toxins and waste matter into the colon where it is eliminated by the colemas, which help unclog years of poor diet and bad eating.
Liver, kidneys, bladder and blood are all also undergoing a thorough spring clean.
Incredibly, I never felt hungry throughout the week. My favoured watermelon brew was very heavy and, combined with the other drinks and the clear broth or coconut milk 'treats', left me satisfied.
Not being a coffee drinker, I didn't have any of the withdrawal symptoms (headaches and nausea) that other visitors reported. And although I was a little light-headed for a couple of days, I soon began to feel a strong sense of wellbeing – a feeling that this was what my body needed.
Meditation did not work for me nor yoga but I slept like a log, enjoyed long leisurely walks along the beach, afternoon dozes in between drinks, a daily massage or steam bath session and generally having some rare 'me' time. I also dipped into some of the complementary therapies available at the resort and nearby, some with success (cranial sacral therapy), while others (reiki and emotional freedom therapy) totally missed the mark.
Knowledgeable, friendly staff members were also always available to answer any questions. And that was the joy about my time at the resort. It was a chance to totally slow down, relax and try something new without pressure, in the knowledge that I was doing myself some good.
By the end of the fast I was starting to feel a little bored and missing the act and pleasure of eating but there was no doubting the results. Incredibly, I had also lost 5kg in weight, an inch or so off my waist and my stomach had flattened out appreciably. That is not always the case, as one fellow guest was entering her third week of fasting and although feeling great, reported that her scales or tummy girth had barely shifted.
It must be mentioned that colonics is still a controversial area. One friend with a professional medical background thought I had suffered temporary insanity to undergo the fast and is appalled that I'm thinking of booking a return trip. The website of Britain's NHS Direct sums up this ambivalence by stating: "Colonic irrigation is known as an alternative therapy... there is no real medical evidence to prove that it is effective".
The resort itself makes no claim to be a medical authority or advisor and recommends visitors with pre-existing conditions contact their own doctor before starting a fast.
All I can say is that it worked for me, I felt absolutely fantastic afterwards and will be doing it again – soon!
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